Imagine, if you will, a circus tent pitched in the middle of a storm. 🎪⚡ Inside, clowns are flipping coins (the digital kind, mind you), acrobats are dodging sanctions, and the ringmaster-well, let’s just say the IRGC is hogging the spotlight. 🌟 All this while the audience (aka the Iranian people) is trying to keep their wallets from disappearing faster than a rabbit in a hat. 🎩✨
Key Highlights (Because You’re Not Here for the Poetry)
In an X post-that modern-day salon of the absurd-TARA opines that Bitcoin, like a wayward aristocrat, insists on reaching $99,300, even as it paints a bearish candlestick. Oh, the irony! The retracement levels, she adds, shall be adjusted with the whimsy of a playwright, with a new 2026 high above $97,000, and subwaves that lead to the grand finale at $103,000. Bravo! Encore! 👏🎭
China’s “derisking” plan seems to be in full swing, especially when it comes to U.S. debt. Let’s pretend we’re all grown-ups for a moment and not just spectators to a very long game of financial chess. 🏛️
A missive from Arab Chain, that digital oracle of crypto-trends, reveals a truth as stark as a Siberian winter: whale transfers to Binance have plummeted to levels not seen since 2021. The “Whale Transfer Flow” (30DMA), once a roaring river, now trickles at 56.1 million XRP-a mere puddle in the grand ocean of trade. One might say the whales are on a diet… or perhaps they’ve simply grown bored of the buffet. 🐋💨
The exact tally stays shy as a moon on the horizon, whispered through posts on X. Yet Boiron, the captain with a public voice, speaks and the room breathes; a confirmation that cuts the night like a blade, leaving questions to float in the coffee.
Apparently, ICP’s architecture fuels this frenzy of activity, even if its price remains as mute as a mime at a karaoke night. So much for adoption being contingent on pumps, right? 🙃
On the daily chart, our protagonist has thrust herself back into the $95K resistance band, a zone as treacherous as a Nabokovian footnote. Here, she encounters the 100-day moving average, a barrier as stubborn as a literary critic’s prejudice. This is the very zone that repelled her in previous bounces, a key supply area within the broader downtrend from her Olympian highs. The Daily RSI, once at panic extremes, now simpers modestly, signaling strong short-term momentum but remaining ensconced in a larger corrective structure. As long as she trades below this moving average and the $95K resistance, her rally is but a counter-trend flirtation, not the committed uptrend one might hope for.
Behold, the daily chart (DOGE/USD, Binance) from Jan. 16, where Cantonese Cat doodles an inverse head-and-shoulders pattern like it’s a dating app profile. Left shoulder? December 2023. Head? Late December, slumping near $0.11 like a sad Shih Tzu. Right shoulder? January 2024, wobbling after a brief spike. Basic, but hey, at least you’re trying. 🐾
But wait! There’s a twist! These crypto banks must be more than just whimsical ideas floating in the ether; they are to be joint-stock companies, strutting their stuff under the watchful gaze of the High-Tech Park. Registering in the National Bank’s crypto bank registry is not merely a formality-it’s akin to receiving a golden ticket to Willy Wonka’s chocolate factory, except here, we trade in blockchain delights instead of sweet confections. 🍫🚀