Iran’s Internet Dies – And Bitcoin Just Shrugged 😏

Will the blockchain tremble? Will whales weep? Will ASICs cry out for justice? Hardly. The network rolls on, indifferent as a drunk poet at dawn. But behind this digital curtain, a truth flickers like a dying bulb in a basement mine: Bitcoin mining isn’t some angelic, ethereal force – it’s sweaty men, cheap electricity, and endless ping delays. 🌍⚡

Pump.fun Dethrones Solana Titans! 💸🔥👑

Behold, the mighty Pump.fun, which hath conquered the Solana realm! According to DeFiLlama’s scrolls, it boasts $1.406 billion in 24-hour trading volume, outdoing its predecessors with the flair of a seasoned actor! 🎭

Florida’s Crypto Bill Leaves Bitcoin Cold? 🔥 #BitcoinSleptOnIt

Florida Republican John Snyder has been bullish on crypto for years. So on Wednesday, when the 38-year-old legislator filed House Bill 1039 to establish the Florida Strategic Cryptocurrency Reserve, it didn’t come as a surprise. What left traders scratching their heads was the market’s reaction to the news. The average analyst would have predicted at least a slight bump in bitcoin’s price. Instead, the cryptocurrency didn’t move much, and when it finally did, it went down and not up. 🤷‍♀️

Bitcoin’s $84K Safety Net: Will It Save the Day? 🚨

On the daily chart, Bitcoin findeth itself nursing a hangover after a wild rally to $94,792, now facing stiff resistance at that level. The psychological barrier at $90,000 is being flirted with, but not convincingly claimed. With red candles stacking like a game of bearish Jenga and volume swelling during the pullback, the price action signals unease. 🕳️📉

🐕 SHIB Hits 82 Trillion: Is This the End of the Meme Dream? 🚀💸

Such a colossal hoard on exchanges is not a testament to faith, but a harbinger of exodus. It is the silent scream of a thousand hands, itching to offload their bags before the inevitable plunge. Accumulation? Nay, this is the hour of distribution, a slow bleed that mocks the dreams of the faithful. 📉✋

ETH’s Weekly Dance: Will It Break Free or Stay Trapped? 💸

On the weekly canvas, Ethereum continues to honor a multi-year rising channel, a relic of resilience since the 2022 abyss. Each correction, a phoenix rising, births higher lows, a siren song for buyers. Yet, the long-term resistance trendline, that sly fox, remains unyielding, tightening the noose of a volatile dance. 🕶️🌪️