FET didn’t just crack a descending channel; it plopped through like a sad soufflé, hitting $0.29 in November. Now, with prices clinging to higher highs like glitter at a bachelor party, you’d think the blockchain gods had finally warmed to our shared desperation for a return on stuff we understand. 🙄
Our beloved Bitcoin has decided to hang out above the $91,200 zone and has started another fresh increase. It managed to break through the $92,000 and $92,200 resistance levels like a toddler breaking into a cookie jar.
This alleged accumulation started around 2018, involving some rather creative accounting – swapping gold (because why not?) and oil (also, why not?) for stablecoins, which were then promptly converted into Bitcoin. Some say this mysterious pile of Bitcoin is tied to recent political shenanigans. Which, let’s be honest, is entirely predictable. It all sounds perfectly logical, doesn’t it? 🤪
The past day has seen a veritable parade of investors circling VIRTUAL like vultures to a feast, many with fingers twitching to snatch the profits.
CoinGlass’s Netflow data, that most patient of data points, notes more VIRTUAL has marched into exchanges, like guests queuing for a grand auction. One’s always on the lookout for selling pressure, you see-it’s the opera’s encore moment, awkward and all too brief.
Indeed, the $2.95 million drag into exchanges is but a sprightly twist in the dance of sentiment, though one might argue it’s the market’s way of whispering, “Nap soon, dear investor.”
Imagine, if you will, Parcl’s esteemed housing indices dancing onto Polymarket, the reigning champion of prediction markets! Users will now trade contracts on whether home prices in certain cities will rise or tumble over defined periods-a month, a quarter, or a year. Some markets will even flirt with price thresholds, settling against published index values, like a game of high-stakes poker with invisible cards! ♠️🃏
So, the Solana-based exchange known as Jupiter has decided to join the party with its very own stablecoin, JupUSD, making its debut in the company of Ethena Labs. Just what we needed, right?
And let’s not forget the token unlocks-because nothing says “trust me” like dropping 1.24 billion tokens in the next year. It’s like a bad reality show: “Who wants to be a billionaire?!” dramatic music But with less drama and more panic selling. 😅
A certain account, Caspersmc, hath cast its bread upon the waters of Polymarket, staking $37,000 upon the fanciful hope that 2026 shall witness the thunder of boots and the clash of ideologies. Should this prophecy manifest, the trader shall be rewarded with a sum sufficient to purchase a small island of their own-assuming no one else invades it first. 🏝️
Here’s the kicker: across six crypto card programs (shoutout to EtherFi, Cypher, and their less-famous but still-trying friends like GnosisPay and Moonwell), spending went from a modest $14.6 million in January 2025 to a whopping $91.3 million by December. That’s a 525% jump, people! Or, as I like to call it, “the Liz Lemon of financial growth”-unexpected but kind of amazing. 📈😂
Ah, but hark! A recent technical analysis, proffered by the astute crypto analyst Javon Marks upon the ever-buzzing social media stage known as X, invites us to ponder direct parallels between Dogecoin’s current stance and the setups that heralded its most audacious rallies in yesteryears.