Here’s the kicker: across six crypto card programs (shoutout to EtherFi, Cypher, and their less-famous but still-trying friends like GnosisPay and Moonwell), spending went from a modest $14.6 million in January 2025 to a whopping $91.3 million by December. That’s a 525% jump, people! Or, as I like to call it, “the Liz Lemon of financial growth”-unexpected but kind of amazing. 📈😂
Ah, but hark! A recent technical analysis, proffered by the astute crypto analyst Javon Marks upon the ever-buzzing social media stage known as X, invites us to ponder direct parallels between Dogecoin’s current stance and the setups that heralded its most audacious rallies in yesteryears.
“If you’re relying on Bitcoin to ‘boom’ to make you rich, you’re playing the stock market in a ball gown at a barn dance,” Jeremie purred. “Bitcoin is for storing what you earn. The win is time plus stacking – or, as I call it, patience and not panicking.”
The hapless Ledger, that beleaguered guardian of cryptocurrency, finds itself once more ensnared in the labyrinth of digital insecurity. A breach, you see, through the fissures of Global-e’s fortress-a tale as old as time, yet somehow still capable of inspiring fresh despair. 🕳️
Mattsby, the old sport, reckons XRP has been rather stout in defending its long-term trend support and is now coiling up like a spring, ready to bound forth. “XRP had a perfect bounce off the 20-month MA,” he trilled, “while the upper and lower bands continue to contract-setting the stage for its next explosive move higher.” Dash it all, he added with a wink, “It’s utterly bonkers how many chaps are bearish right at major high-time-frame support.” 🧐📈
Several altcoins, with their derivatives data as volatile as a Regency ballroom, may soon face the wrath of liquidations. Which among them shall be the most unfortunate? Let us inquire. 🕵️♂️
A Farce for PwC?
A Polymarket trader, known as “beachboy4” 🏖️, has managed to lose a staggering $2.07 million in a mere 35 days ⏰, despite having a winning record of 51% across 53 prediction trades 📊. One would think that’s a decent performance, but nope! 🤷♂️ It seems beachboy4 had a penchant for making huge bets, averaging around … Read more
Project Brazen’s Whale Hunting, a publication as audacious as its name suggests, claims that Alex Saab-a financial maestro of the Maduro regime, if ever there was one-may control a Bitcoin hoard worth $60 billion. Yes, you read that correctly. Sixty billion. One can almost hear the champagne corks popping in Caracas, though alas, the party seems to have been crashed by Uncle Sam. 🥂
Yes, while the globe fumbled in shock, these three digital fortune-tellers capitalized – pocketing a modest $630,484 in what can only be described as the most profitable day trading in political history. Think of it: some were simply clicking away, and others were probably shrieking, “Maduro’s toast!” in the privacy of their encrypted vaults. Washington, of course, responded with all the subtlety of a bull in a china shop, worried that the secrets of the high-stakes prediction betting were getting a little too revealing. Apparently, predicting coups is all fun and games until someone predicts the wrong thing. 🎭
