Last I checked (Thursday, Jan 1st – Happy New Year, by the way, let’s hope it’s better than this!), Uniswap (UNI) was chilling at $5.64. That’s down 12.5% from Sunday and a whopping 53% below its August glory days. It’s like, remember when things were good? Pepperidge Farm remembers.
December 31, 2025, XRP’s chilling at $1.87. Boring? Maybe. But hey, on-chain signals and derivatives are throwing a party, and we’re not invited. 🎉
Hayes claims the relentless squeeze of global dollar liquidity, which was giving the middle finger to risk assets in 2025, hit rock bottom in November. This isn’t some dry financial report we’re talking about-it’s the financial equivalent of a green light at the traffic light for the “money printer” narrative!
In a move that made central bankers in Frankfurt, Washington, and Basel choke on their morning espresso, the People’s Bank of China announced that e-CNY wallets would now earn interest-just like a demand deposit. Because, why not? Physical cash doesn’t pay interest, of course. That would be absurd, like charging rent to a rock. But the digital yuan has apparently read Dostoevsky and decided it, too, desires meaning-and compound interest.
Spot Bitcoin ETFs in the U.S. have finally stopped crying and started net inflows-$355 million, to be exact. Seven days of sob stories about outflows? Over. Tax-loss harvesting and de-risking? Sounds like Wall Street’s version of a spa day 🏖️.
On Natalie Brunell’s Coin Stories (Dec. 30), Kang argued that Bitcoin’s woes aren’t its fault but rather the result of living in a universe still haunted by macroeconomic uncertainty, tech stock tantrums, and the lingering trauma of 2020. “It’s not Bitcoin’s fault the Fed’s a drama queen,” he probably said, sipping a latte made from his own cryptocurrency dividends.
It is a curious thing, this resurgence. The network, once plagued by chaos, now hums with the quiet confidence of a man who has finally mastered the art of balancing his accounts. Yet, one cannot help but wonder: is this a true awakening, or merely the feverish dream of a system desperate to prove itself? 🤔
According to those who track such things (crypto.news, in this case), TRX wobbled around a bit, peaking at $0.286 on December 31st, before settling for a quiet life at $0.284. Which, as of today, is 5% better than its December slump and a whopping 35% up from its annual low. So, progress. Sort of. 🎉
Picture it: by late December 2025, prediction markets boasted over $4.5 billion in weekly notional volume-think of it as the crypto world’s record-breaking marathon, with an extra shot of adrenaline. This was a nifty 12.5% jump week-over-week, perhaps signaling that the old joke about ‘predicting the unpredictability’ is finally giving way to actual serious money.
On the higher timeframe, Ethereum is still stuck in a Wyckoff Accumulation structure 📚, a never-ending cycle of accumulation and consolidation 🤯. After the Selling Climax (SC) and Automatic Rally (AR) phases, ETH spent an extended period in Phase B, marked by volatility and repeated tests of demand 📊. It’s like watching a cat chasing its tail – entertaining, but ultimately, going nowhere 🐈.
