Buterin sagely observes that the strings of checks and balances, once the fabric holding our societal circus together, are fraying like a proletarian’s knitwear in a vigorous debate. The 21st century, it appears, is but a tear in the frill. The grand puppeteers have cast aside their ethical marionettes.
Bitwise, the crypto version of a person who’s convinced they’re a genius, has once again thrown its hat into the ring. The ETFs would track assets like Zcash, Sui, and Hyperliquid. Because who doesn’t want to invest in a cryptocurrency named “Hyperliquid”? 💸
BlackRock quietly transferred $214 million worth of Bitcoin [BTC] and Ethereum [ETH] to Coinbase Prime, as if the crypto gods had whispered, “Time to liquidate, darling.” 🕵️♂️
Santiment, the analytics firm with a budget for graphs and a questionable sense of humor, just dropped a post claiming social media’s buzzing with BTC bullishness. Their secret sauce? Filtering “higher” and “above” to find the shiny optimists, while “lower” and “below” hunt for the grumpy bears. Groundbreaking stuff, right? 🕵️♂️
Binance, that old fox of crypto, has decided to tinker with its payment services in Ukraine. Starting December 29, 2025, users there will find their Visa and Mastercard withdrawals frozen-like a penguin in a snowstorm. Binance says it’s temporary, but hey, who’s ever seen a temporary fix last longer than a TikTok trend? Customer notices confirm the cold shoulder: no more direct bank card withdrawals for Ukrainians. Meanwhile, deposits and crypto trading remain untouched, because why not keep the good stuff?
Marks, with the confidence of a soothsayer reading tea leaves, declares that XRP is on the cusp of a “measured move”-a technical incantation that, historically, has summoned explosive price surges from the ether. But beware, for the current price structure is as bearish as a Moscow winter, and the token teeters on the edge of oblivion, trading below $2. Yet, our intrepid analyst remains undeterred, insisting that XRP could yet defy gravity and soar into the stratosphere, leaving the market gasping in astonishment. 🦅💥
To put on my best Noël Coward voice, one might say: “Darling, the XRP spot ETFs are simply the belle of the ball, raking in more cash than the Ethereum counterparts, which, bless their hearts, suffered a rather tragic $102 million in net outflows. Solana, meanwhile, managed to attract a mere $13.14 million. Quite the uneven dance card, wouldn’t you say?” 💃
The company rolled out its bitcoin accumulation strategy in June, following a model championed by Michael Saylor’s Strategy Inc, in which firms raise capital to buy and hold crypto on their balance sheets. Because if you can’t trust a football star and a crypto guru, who can you trust? 🤷♂️
The price of Bitcoin (BTC) has risen by almost 1% over the past day. Who knew crypto could be as exciting as watching paint dry? 🎨💤
10 worst-performing altcoins in 2025 | Source: CoinMarketCap
