PayPal has (shockingly) invented banking. They’re submitting paperwork to the FDIC and Utah regulators for a new industrial loan company called PayPal Bank-because nothing says trust like a name that’s just the biggest payment processor on Earth adding “Bank” like it’s a trendy hats. 🎩
Their brilliant plan? Lend more to small businesses. Because those poor little entrepreneurs hadn’t already taken out 420,000 loans from PayPal’s “$30 billion splurge” (2013-today). Now they’ll get “interest-bearing savings” and “FDIC insurance” if some poor regulator survives the paperwork. 🥺
CEO Alex Chriss (sounds like a nickname for “Alex, I think you’ve created a monster”) claims this will ditch pesky third-parties and “fuel the US economy.” Or as it might actually do: consolidate power while pretending to care about capitalism. 🤷♀️
Of course, lighter regulations… because who wouldn’t want a bank that’s like “a start-up with slightly less Reg Takers’ Delight”? Welcome to the future, folks-even our data can’t escape a really enthusiastic business plan. 💸
Stay tuned for: “Sorry, your money’s not stolen… yet.” PS. Money jingles now include the sound of your privacy begging to be skipped. 🎶
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2025-12-16 09:52