- Mr. Garlinghouse, possessing the calm of a Regency host, insists there was no tête-à-tête with Linqto; yet, much to society’s amusement, Linqto is indeed clutching 4.7 million Ripple private shares as if they were the last dance at a ball. 💃
- Pray, do you find 5,000 Ripple shareholders who are not “accredited”—in other words, persons of humble means boldly venturing where, perhaps, well-bred regulators fear to tread?
Ripple—also known as XRP by those who delight in brevity—has wound itself firmly into a new web of legal and social intrigue. This time, the cast includes Linqto (hardly a Dowager Countess), the daunting Securities and Exchange Commission (SEC), and the always-impeccably-dressed Department of Justice (DoJ).
The Wall Street Journal, that ever-watchful chronicler of ostentatious fortunes, alleges Linqto has been somewhat lax with the notion of “the law.” Imagine, if you will, allowing the unwashed masses—retail investors!—a chance to purchase private shares in rising start-ups before these companies make their dazzling debut at the biggest soiree of all: the IPO.
Mr. Garlinghouse Disengages, But the Gossips Persist 🎩
It appears Linqto’s acquisition of Ripple shares came not straight from the stately halls of Ripple itself, but via the less fashionable secondary market. These shares, once in Linqto’s grasp, were then distributed—nay, flung—to non-accredited investors, and, in certain whispered instances, to persons from sanctioned lands at prices rarely seen outside a posh Mayfair drawing room.
And what of the investors? Alas, many were blissfully unaware they did not truly possess shares in Ripple or any other esteemed enterprise. Instead, they became proud holders of ‘units’—that is, shares of a Specialized Purpose Vehicle (SPV), a carriage, so to speak, which actually held the coveted shares. How very modern (and how very confusing for poor Aunt Agatha!).
Of these SPV-bound Ripple enthusiasts, some 5,000 are—dare I say—non-accredited, a state of affairs former lawmaker John Deaton declared a ‘regulatory nightmare’. Indeed, one senses he required smelling salts upon hearing the news.
Seeking to clarify his position and dissuade further scandal, CEO Brad Garlinghouse endeavoured to separate Ripple from Linqto’s audacious escapades, remarking,
“Our humble records reveal Linqto possesseth 4.7 million shares of Ripple—secured exclusively on the secondary market, purchased from various shareholders of varying repute, but certainly never from Ripple itself.”
Mr. Garlinghouse further observed—with the resignation of one whose carriage has lost a wheel—that the 4.7 million shares procured by Linqto had increased in value rather handsomely, at least until 2024 when Linqto found itself barred from further acquisitions on the secondary market due to a rising tide of ‘skepticism’ rivaling even the most judicious grandmother’s matchmaking suspicions.
For those wishing to complicate matters, do not confuse the XRP token with Ripple shares. One year ago, the private share of Ripple was a modest thing; now, it has skyrocketed by 320% and trades at a staggering $91—a most agreeable return, as per the latest from Hiive, a name which conjures up visions of busy bees and busier financiers. 🐝
Not to be outdone, John Deaton assures the general public that other enterprises—Circle, Kraken, Anthropic AI, and SpaceX (rockets, not carriages)—also danced upon the Linqto platform, and their shares are purportedly safe and accounted for. He was quick to hasten that,
“All companies’ shares—Circle, Ripple, Uphold, Kraken, SpaceX, and sundry—remain present, like eligible suitors at a crowded ball. Only a modest 3% of Ripple shares went missing, sold in secret, yet the funds remain, as if left on the buffet unattended.”
As investors clutch their pearls and brace for calamity, Mr. Deaton offers the hope that, should bankruptcy darken the doorstep, ordinary investors shall be first in line—a rare occasion when society’s underdogs might enjoy pride of place.
How this melodrama concludes remains anyone’s guess. Will the afflicted find their fortunes restored, or shall the tale end in tears and genteel regret? Time—and perhaps a second round of tea—will tell. 🍵
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2025-07-04 03:18