SafeMoon Founder Sentenced to 100 Months: A Crypto Jailhouse Tale

The charges read like a menu you didn’t order: conspiracy to commit securities fraud, conspiracy to commit wire fraud, conspiracy to commit money laundering. Prosecutors allege that between 2021 and 2022 he misappropriated millions of dollars’ worth of SafeMoon tokens, deceiving investors and dipping into company funds. It’s the crypto version of misplacing your car keys in a place that’s not even yours, only with slightly more legal jeopardy and a lot more paperwork.

Meanwhile, I’m here sipping coffee and wondering if my productivity apps are secretly plotting to woo the auditors as effectively as a well-timed meme. The only thing I’m certain of is that the internet never forgets, and sometimes that means your tokens get mislaid, your life gets narrated by a courtroom drama, and your future self looks back and says, “Well, at least the receipts are in color.”