Ah, the theater of the absurd! While the plebeian traders clutch their screens, their faces contorted in terror as Bitcoin [BTC] pirouettes below $90,000, Michael Saylor-that modern-day Don Quixote of the crypto realm-remains unfazed. His steed? Strategy Inc., a company that laughs in the face of market tremors.
Fresh whispers from the oracle Arkham reveal that Saylor’s audacity knows no bounds. In a single week, Strategy Inc. has devoured a jaw-dropping $2.16 billion in BTC, as if the red charts were but a quaint decoration. The average price? A mere $95,284. One wonders if Saylor’s pockets are lined with the very fabric of hubris.
“Short-term noise?” scoffs Strategy Inc. “We dine on volatility for breakfast.” Their conviction, it seems, is not tethered to the whims of today’s price but to some mystical “terminal value”-a concept as elusive as a sober man at a Moscow carnival.
“This is Saylor’s largest BTC buy in almost half a year,” Arkham intones, its voice dripping with the gravity of a soothsayer.
Strategy’s Bitcoin Follies Since Late 2025
Since the frosty embrace of mid-December 2025, Saylor’s strategy has metamorphosed from a timid waltz to a frenzied tarantella. What began as modest purchases-a mere $100 million here, a trifling $50 million there-has ballooned into billion-dollar gambles. Ah, the sweet scent of recklessness!
In late 2025, Strategy’s buys were but a whisper, a cautious dip of the toe into the crypto abyss. But as 2026 dawned, the tempo quickened. Between January 11th and 19th, Strategy and Saylor hurled $3.3 billion into the maw of Bitcoin, as if daring the gods of finance to strike them down.
December 2025 saw smaller, more measured purchases-a $0.98 billion nibble on the 14th, a $0.11 billion nibble on the 28th. But the new year brought a new madness. By mid-January, Strategy executed a $1.25 billion purchase, followed by the pièce de résistance: a $2.13 billion buy on the 19th. One can almost hear the accountants weeping.
Saylor’s Dip Delirium
What sets this spree apart is Saylor’s refusal to wait for the “bull run”-a creature as mythical as the honest politician. Instead, Strategy has embraced the “buy the dip” mantra with the fervor of a zealot, even as the market quivers like a leaf in a storm.
When Bitcoin plummeted to $87,799 in late December and lingered around $90,000 like a sullen guest, Saylor saw not a warning sign but a bargain bin. Even as Bitcoin dipped to $89,199 at press time-a 2.14% tumble in 24 hours-his resolve remained as unshakable as a Soviet-era monument.
This manic accumulation has propelled Strategy’s holdings to a staggering 709,715 BTC, while Saylor’s personal hoard of 17,732 BTC cements his status as both chairman and crypto fanatic. A four-year bet, you say? More like a four-year fever dream.
The results, however, are impossible to ignore. According to Saylor’s own proclamations, Strategy has outpaced nearly every major asset class. Nvidia may lead with its 1,557% surge, but Strategy sits comfortably in second place with a 1,173% gain. A 60% annual return? Even Bitcoin itself, with its 674% rise, pales in comparison. One wonders if Saylor’s next move will be to declare himself Tsar of the Blockchain.
Final Musings from the Asylum
- Large-scale accumulation during uncertainty? A sure sign of either genius or madness. The line between the two is thinner than a Moscow winter.
- Buying at higher averages? Strategy Inc. doesn’t fear volatility-it courts it like a spurned lover.
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2026-01-22 07:23