SEC Admits US Crypto Lag: 10 Years Behind or 10 Years of Regret?

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SEC Chair Paul Atkins weeps into his teacup, lamenting America’s crypto backwardness. “We’re a decade behind!” he wails, clutching a blockchain like a sacred relic.

 

The US Securities and Exchange Commission (SEC), that noble bastion of bureaucratic alchemy, has finally admitted what every crypto-enthusiast knew: the US lags a decade behind in crypto regulation. Or, as one wag put it, “We’re still using punch cards while the rest of the world trades NFTs on Mars.”

According to SEC Chair Paul Atkins, the country is roughly ten years behind other regions in building fair and modern crypto regulation. During a recent DC Fintech Week event, he declared fixing this gap “job one,” though one wonders if his résumé includes any blockchain-related skills beyond “proficient in red tape.”

Building a Framework for Crypto Innovation (Or: How to Lose Your Shirt Faster)

Atkins, that visionary in a three-piece suit, claims the SEC wants to attract innovators who fled the US due to “unclear or restrictive laws.” Presumably, these innovators now reside in tax havens sipping piña coladas and laughing at American regulators. His solution? An “innovation exemption” that lets crypto firms test ideas under “flexible rules”-read: rules that bend like willows in a hurricane.

Atkins, ever the optimist, assures us the SEC can “be very forward-leaning” while clinging to 1946-era legal frameworks. A charming contradiction, like a vegan steakhouse. He hinted the “innovation exemption” might arrive by year’s end-a Christmas miracle if ever there was one, though we’ve heard that line before. 🐢

The goal? Support creativity while protecting investors. A delicate dance, akin to juggling chainsaws while wearing a clown nose.

Atkins also claimed the free market will judge bad ideas. “If the ideas are not good, the market reaction will tell,” he said, as if the market isn’t a fickle lover prone to crashing without warning. 🚀💥

The Push Toward Crypto Superapps (Or: Why Can’t We Have a WeChat Clone?)

Atkins also waxed poetic about “superapps”-those Asian marvels like WeChat that let you pay bills, order food, and flirt with strangers, all in one app. The US, he noted, has yet to produce its own version. Perhaps because Americans prefer 17 separate apps, each stealing your data in turn. 🤖

He suggested better regulation could birth such a marvel, though one suspects the SEC’s definition of “better” involves more paperwork. “Thinking about regulatory coordination as an app in itself is clever,” he mused, as if bureaucracy could ever be streamlined. 🔄

The SEC is now collaborating with the CFTC and Treasury Department to avoid “overlapping rules.” A valiant effort, like telling a hydra to stop growing heads.

Atkins also praised the GENIUS Act-a law that recognized stablecoins-as “progress.” Progress, indeed. Like inventing the wheel but calling it “advanced pebble technology.”

Revisiting the Howey Test and Old Rules (Or: Legal Frameworks for the Stone Age)

Modernising crypto regulation means rethinking laws written before Bitcoin existed. Much of the debate centres on the Howey Test-a 1946 Supreme Court standard for “investment contracts.” A relic! A dinosaur! A time capsule from the era of rotary phones and existential dread. 🦕

The SEC has used this test to target Ripple and Coinbase, arguing crypto tokens are “securities.” Critics, however, point out that blockchain tokens often do not resemble investments-they’re more like digital keys, votes, or real-world asset proxies. A distinction as clear as mud, apparently.

Atkins agreed the 1930s-era securities acts are “showing their age.” He claimed tokenisation is about “putting things on-chain,” which is either profound or a tautology. Either way, it’s a far cry from the Howey Test’s “investment contract” logic. 🧙‍♂️

He added blockchain transparency could make compliance easier. A bold claim, given that most regulators still think “blockchain” is a type of pizza topping.

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2025-10-17 17:15