Well now, gather ’round, partners! Tether, that old stablecoin tycoon, just dropped its Q3 report, and lo and behold-it’s got more cash than a Mississippi riverboat after a flood. They’re claiming over $10 billion in profits this year, which is enough to buy every goose in the world a lifetime supply of wigs 🐥🎩. Or maybe just one wig for a very large goose.
Tether’s Treasure Trove: Gold, Bitcoin, and a Side of Treasuries
In Q3 2025, Tether minted more USDT than a gold miner on a caffeine binge-$17 billion, to be precise. That’s bumped the total USDT supply to $174 billion, which sounds impressive until you realize it’s still just a digital IOU with a fancy hat 🎩. Meanwhile, their treasure chest now holds $135 billion in U.S. Treasuries, making ’em richer than South Korea and cozying up to the 17th spot on the global Treasury leaderboard. Fancy!
But hold your horses! The real kicker? Tether’s reserves back up $181.2 billion in tokens, while their liabilities sit at $174.4 billion. That’s a $6.8 billion cushion, just in case the world’s economy takes a nosedive into the ocean. And for dessert? $12.9 billion in gold and $9.9 billion in Bitcoin-13% of their stash. Paolo Ardoino, Tether’s CEO, probably says this makes ’em the “Stable Company.” Pfft. Stability’s just a word they throw around like confetti 🎉.
“These results,” he declared, “reflect the continued trust and strength behind Tether, even amid a challenging global macroeconomic environment.” Well, when the world’s economy’s a circus, who better to run the ring than a stablecoin with a gold-plated monocle? 🕶️
T3 Financial Crime Unit: Freezing Criminals’ Cash Like It’s Hot
Meanwhile, the T3 Financial Crime Unit-Tether, TRON, and TRM Labs’ brainchild-froze $300 million in criminal assets. That’s $83 million in the U.S. alone, spread across 37 cases. Seems like someone’s been busy playing a high-stakes game of tag with the bad guys 🚨. The usual suspects? Fraud, hacks, and a $19 million slice from the Bybit fiasco linked to the DPRK. Let’s call it a “knitting circle” of chaos 🧶.
Ardoino, ever the optimist, said, “Reaching the $300 million milestone demonstrates the real-world impact of blockchain technology in combating financial crime.” Well, if blockchain’s a crime-fighting superhero, it’s wearing a cape made of ones and zeros 💻🦸♂️.
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2025-11-01 07:14