Tokyo’s Bitcoin Crackdown: When Crypto Dreams Meet Reality 😅💸

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Japan’s largest stock exchange, typically the place where fortunes are made (and occasionally vaporized), is now eyeing a new villain: companies that think buying Bitcoin is a business plan. Spoiler alert: JPX is not amused. 🙃

According to whispers in the Tokyo financial district (because of course it’s anonymous sources), Japan Exchange Group (JPX) is drafting stricter rules for firms that pivot from, say, selling nail salons or rice cookers to hoarding crypto like a squirrel prepping for winter. Fresh audits, tougher listing checks-because apparently, “HODL” isn’t a valid strategy on tax forms. 🧾

Let’s talk about the casualties. Metaplanet, Japan’s self-proclaimed crypto poster child with a BTC stash bigger than your student debt, saw its shares plummet from $15.35 to $2.66. That’s an 82% drop, darling. Meanwhile, Convano-the nail salon-turned-BTC gambler-lost 61% of its value since August. Their investors are now asking existential questions like, “What even is a ‘digital asset treasury’?” 📉

Backdoor Listings: The Crypto Edition 🚪

JPX wants to close the “backdoor listing” loophole, which some DATs apparently used to skip IPO formalities. Because why bother with pesky disclosures when you can just poof-magic your way onto the stock market? If this passes, new DATs might find their IPO dreams dashed faster than a Bitcoin crash. 💔

Metaplanet’s CEO: “Not All Heroes Wear Capes (Or Hold BTC)” 🦸♂️

Simon Gerovich, CEO of Metaplanet, took to X to basically say, “Excuse me, we’re legit.” Five shareholder meetings, four EGMs, one annual meeting-apparently, they’ve been busier than a squirrel at a nut convention. 🐿️ He also reminded everyone they updated their company rules “properly,” because nothing says romance like amending articles of incorporation to buy Bitcoin. Swoon.

“All critical matters were approved by shareholders. We didn’t just wing it like some crypto-pivot TikToker.”

Meanwhile, in a parallel universe, JPX is drafting a memo titled: “Crypto Treasuries: Please Stop Making This Hard.” 📝

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2025-11-13 11:32