In an act of bureaucratic suspense rivalling badly-written soap cliff-hangers, President Donald Trump whipped out his trusty Sharpie late Monday and scribbled an executive order that-*gasp*-hit the snooze button on Chinese import tariffs for another 90 days. 🚨✍️
According to CNBC, whose reporters apparently live in a parallel timezone where urgency tastes like cold coffee, the deed was done with literally hours to spare-much like that friend who swears they’ll “just reply later” and then texts “sorry, on way!” at 11:58 p.m. If Trump hadn’t dashed off his signature, the tariffs would have snapped back at the stroke of midnight like a pumpkin turning into an economic carriage of doom. 🧙♂️🎃
This latest installment in the longest-running cliff-hanger since “Who shot J.R.?” follows late-July back-channel shenanigans in Stockholm, where negotiators exchanged smiles that said, “We might maybe possibly kind of achieve something, but let’s not jinx it.” The extension scoots the ultimate showdown to November, giving both Washington and Beijing ample extra time to run in circles, draft strongly-worded memos, and accidentally photocopy their lunch orders. 📋😵💫
In case you missed the previous episode: the original tariff ceasefire was cobbled together back in May in Geneva-the first conclave since everybody started flinging economic thunderbolts-so essentially nothing has been solved, but the sky has politely agreed not to fall *today*. Tune in next quarter for another thrilling “will they, won’t they” that would make Netflix execs weep with envy. 🍿🌌
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2025-08-11 23:18