Welcome to Crypto Weekly, where the only thing more volatile than Bitcoin is the Trump family’s investment strategy 💸💸💸. This week, we’re diving into a world where digital assets are as common as a TikTok trend, and the only thing scarier than a bear market is a Trump rally.
Business
Ripple Labs is throwing a party with $1B worth of XRP tokens, because who doesn’t want to hoard digital assets? 🎉 #XRPParty
Donald Trump and his family are raking in over $1B from crypto. Eric Trump says the numbers are probably higher. Because nothing says “I’m a billionaire” like saying your profits are “probably higher” 😂
a16z is throwing $50M at Jito, which is now worth $800M. Looks like they’re not just investing in crypto-they’re investing in the future. Or at least the next big thing. 🚀
Citigroup is finally entering the crypto game with a custody service in 2026. Because waiting 3 years to catch up is totally on brand. 🕰️
Ethena’s founder says the USDe depeg was an “internal issue” on Binance. Because nothing says “trust us” like blaming the platform for your token’s meltdown. 💸💥
Web3
Brevis is achieving 99.6% proving coverage. That’s like being 99.6% sure you’re not a robot. 🤖
Ecoyield lets you invest in clean energy and earn rewards. Because who doesn’t want to fund renewable projects and get tokens? 🌍💸
Naoris is preparing for quantum computing threats. Because if the future is coming, at least we’ll be secure… or at least have a good story. 🌌
SACHI’s “Risk-Free Rush” lets you play casino games without the risk. Because why have real money when you can have virtual stress? 🎰
Security
DOJ seized $15B in Bitcoin from a Cambodian pig butchering operation. Because even criminals need to pay taxes. 🐖💰
Regulation
Japan’s FSA is banning insider trading in crypto. Because nothing says “we’re serious” like making sure everyone plays fair. 🧑⚖️
Trump is considering a pardon for CZ. Because nothing says “I’m a good guy” like pardoning a crypto CEO who paid $4.3B in fines. 🕊️
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2025-10-19 16:02