Trump’s Pardon Plans: Will Crypto’s Bad Boys Get a Get-Out-of-Jail-Free Card?

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So, Trump’s at it again. This time he’s tossing around the idea of pardoning Keonne Rodriguez, the big cheese behind Samourai Wallet. You know, the guy who just got five years for money laundering. Classic Trump, huh? 🤔

Now, this whole thing is like a bad sitcom plot that just won’t end. It’s sparked yet another round of heated debates about whether cryptocurrencies are just fancy tools for hiding dirty money. And guess what? This brings up the question of whether other folks in the crypto circus, like Tornado Cash’s Roman Storm, might get a little presidential love too. Spoiler alert: probably not! 😏

More Pardons? Or Just More Headaches?

During a recent press briefing-because, of course, everything has to be a production-some reporter asked Trump about Rodriguez. Apparently, this mess started under Biden’s watch but is still rolling along under Trump’s Justice League. Trump, in his usual fashion, said, “I’ve heard about it. I’ll look at it.” Oh, great! That’s reassuring. 🙄

Now, here’s the kicker: Rodriguez and his partner in crime, William Lonergan Hill, were found guilty of running a cryptocurrency mixing service. The feds say they helped wash over $237 million in criminal cash. Rodriguez got five years, while Hill only got four-what a deal! Both of them are also coughing up $250,000 in fines. Ouch! 💸

The reactions were a mixed bag. Some hopeful crypto enthusiasts think this might give a boost to some crypto-friendly policies. One user even had the audacity to suggest Trump should extend clemency to Do Kwon, the guy who turned Terra/Luna into a financial black hole. Seriously? 🤦‍♂️

But hold on! Critics aren’t letting this slide. They’re pointing out that since Trump took office, major cryptocurrencies have been doing a nosedive. We’re talking drops bigger than my last relationship-some tokens are down over 70%! Yikes! 📉

The Prosecution Isn’t Buying the “Just Simple Developers” Act

The DOJ isn’t exactly painting Rodriguez and Hill as innocent tech geeks. Nope! They’ve got evidence showing these guys weren’t just making privacy tools; they were practically handing out instructions to criminals! 🕵️‍♂️

Hill was allegedly hanging out on Dread, a darknet forum, pitching Samourai to users who wanted to “clean dirty BTC.” Rodriguez even encouraged Twitter hackers back in 2020 to funnel their stolen loot through his service. Like, come on! He was disappointed when they picked a competitor. Talk about loyalty! 😂

And then there’s Rodriguez describing mixing as “money laundering for bitcoin” in WhatsApp chats. You really can’t make this stuff up! His company’s marketing? Oh, it was all about targeting “Dark/Grey Market participants.” Real subtle, guys. 🙈

Prosecutors claim that the cash processed through Samourai came from all sorts of delightful activities: drug trafficking, cyber heists, fraud, and even a murder-for-hire scheme. What a buffet of illegal fun! 🍽️

What Does This All Mean?

This case has opened a can of worms about whether developers should be held responsible for what users do on decentralized platforms. Privacy advocates are having a field day, saying this sets a dangerous precedent for open-source software. Meanwhile, law enforcement is like, “Hey, if you’re promoting crime, we’re coming for you!” 🥊

Now the online chatter is buzzing about whether Roman Storm, who also got nailed for similar stuff, could join the pardon party. He was found guilty of conspiracy to run an unlicensed money transmitting business. The jury couldn’t even agree on the more serious charges. Talk about a messy trial! 😬

And Congress? Well, they’re still kicking around ideas for regulating cryptocurrency, introducing bills left and right. But so far, nothing has made it to the finish line. Classic legislative gridlock. 🙄

Let’s not forget, Trump’s got a history of pardoning crypto figures-like former Binance CEO Changpeng Zhao and Silk Road’s Ross Ulbricht. He’s setting a precedent here! Who knows, maybe he’ll start a whole new trend of pardoning digital currency kingpins. What a world we live in! 😆

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2025-12-16 03:33