Will Trump Turn Cupcakes into Bitcoin During Tonight’s Speech? 🤔

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December 18, 2025 01:00:35 UTC

Crypto Under the Gungan’s Smile: More Fear Than Cheese Fondue

The crypto market, somewhere in the ninth circle of digital finances, remained as weak as a bad Wi-Fi connection today, with the total market cap slipping to a perplexing $2.91 trillion, down nearly 2%. Bitcoin sauntered near $86,200, while Ethereum hung around the neighborhood of $2,840 like a lost traveler on a Friday night. XRP also continued to underperform, hovering around $1.86, reminiscing the Dark Ages of the prices of altcoins.

December 18, 2025 00:45:09 UTC

The Enigmatic Art: Predicting Trump’s Speech Topics

President Donald Trump is set to give a speech to the nation-something akin to a guided tour in a spaceship when you really want his autograph on the spacecraft manual. Experts, those with an incomprehensible ability to predict what historical novel events will not occur, unanimously agree: crypto or Bitcoin probably won’t grace the stage. You’d more likely witness a herd of unicorns on Segways than see him casually mention Bitcoin in a formal national blabberfest. Yet, blood is thicker than disbelief, and a handful of crypto enthusiasts remain skeptically hopeful.

December 18, 2025 00:45:09 UTC

Trump’s 2026 Plan: More Intriguing Than A Vogon Shanty

President Donald Trump is embarking on a televised adventure from the White House on Wednesday, Dec. 17, where he plans to outline his exhilarating 2026 vision. This spectacle will be broadcast live, making it seem like a magic show without magic-across major television networks at 9 p.m. ET (6 p.m. PT). Delivered with the signature optimism only a Tweeting Donald can muster, he announced this event on Truth Social proclaiming, “it has been a great year for our Country,” and urging everyone that “the best is yet to come-like when you finally finish a chocolate doughnut.”

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2025-12-18 04:07