On an evening thick with cigarette smoke and the spirit of revolution, Michael Saylor—Strategy Executive Chair, techno-Tsar, and Bitcoin’s self-appointed prophet—ascended the stage at BTC Prague 2025. His voice, brittle yet edged with something almost feverish, echoed through the mass of bitcoin believers. He swore on his $5 coffee that in just 21 years, a single bitcoin would cost $21 million, swelling at a rate of 21% each year—like yeast rising but without the savory smell of bread. A grand saga, stretching from Capitol Hill’s marble dreams to Wall Street’s concrete realities!
Strategy Founder Proclaims Bitcoin: Champion of a Doomed Century 🪙🤡
With a flourish only slightly less dramatic than a Dostoevsky confession, Saylor began his keynote—a performance titled “The Power of 21.” Last July, bitcoin soared 55% while Nasdaq, S&P 500, even gold stared glumly from the sidelines. Still, Saylor declared bitcoin’s trillion-dollar capitalization a mere flyspeck—less than 0.1% of global wealth—a sad, undernourished child beneath the table of the rich.
Saylor bowed, theatrically, to the “extraordinary” powers of recent months: Washington D.C. politicians pretending to love crypto, the “prodigious” Clarity Act, that genius-shaped Genius Act, and the Bitcoin Act, which—let’s admit it—sounds like an indie band from 2003.
Of course, institutions have dropped $150 billion into 1.4 million BTC, chasing performance numbers like middle managers with traffic tickets. Bitcoin’s up 61% this year! A 56% annualized return—beating the S&P 500 and those “Magnificent Seven” tech stocks. The only thing growing faster is the list of Saylor’s metaphors.
“Only one asset clears the 13% cost-of-equity hurdle,” Saylor murmured, as if he’d seen the future tucked beneath a dusty mattress in Minsk. Corporate accountants, clutching their spreadsheets, lean closer. Is it hope that flickers in their eyes—or just the glow from their screens?
The prophecy rolls on. Saylor projects a 28.5% compound annual return, gently declining to 21% as bitcoin swells to “hundreds of trillions.” Volatility, at 40%-plus, persists like a stubborn babushka. Is it a bug? Nyet! Saylor, sporting the grin of a man who’s misplaced $50 and found it again, calls it “vitality”—spirit, like the wind battering a tenement block.
“What will you do with this 21-year head start?” Saylor quipped, arms wide. “You possess information the planet’s capital can only dream of, like Tolstoy’s peasant suddenly handed the keys to the estate.” The crowd chuckled, possibly from nerves.
Build a money-making machine! Plug it into the Bitcoin network! Compound wealth on a Dostoevskian scale. Rescue your kin, lift your village—heck, save humanity from spreadsheet mediocrity. (Though, a dacha by the lake wouldn’t hurt.)
Three roads to El Dorado! First, dollar-cost average $50,000 a year into BTC. Second, borrow at rates below 10%—because what could possibly go wrong? Third, morph your business into a bitcoin-hoarding hydra, selling tiny equity stakes at nosebleed premiums. The dream: alchemize $2 million into $700 million in two decades—a fable even the Brothers Grimm might have rejected for excessive optimism.
Saylor doffed his cap to Hal Finney, a Bitcoin forefather who, back in 2009, prophesied eight-figure BTC prices. Now, the network’s impervious, nigh-immortal—a digital Cossack on an eternal ride. Still, bitcoin is just 0.2% of global wealth, barely a roundoff error for a Rothschild. But for Saylor, that’s not a curse: it’s an invitation to let optimism overstay its welcome.
As his 45-minute saga drew to a close, Saylor urged his comrades to forge 21-year plans, ignore daily wails from the market, and “feed the machine” with a zeal that would impress even the most ardent Soviet foreman. “Volatility is Satoshi’s gift”—a blessing, not a bug. And as the audience filed out—some hopeful, some skeptical, all slightly poorer in rubles but richer in dreams—they could not help but wonder: was Saylor the harbinger, or just the last poet of digital fortune?
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2025-06-25 00:26