qfx

Meanwhile, XRP, the quiet underdog, has sneaked into the portfolios of 5% of these young dreamers. A modest victory, perhaps, but one fueled by regulatory whispers and a late 2024 price rally that made even the most jaded intern sit up and take notice. 📈🤡

Apparently, this means the crypto market’s gonna go crazier than me at a buffet. 🥴 Whales-you know, those big shot crypto holders-are dumping their bags like I dump my dating apps after one bad date. 🚀💨

Ah, yes, the strategy of investing $5 daily into Bitcoin-a sum so small it could almost be mistaken for loose change beneath your couch cushions. Over twelve months, this heroic endeavor yielded a grand total of… wait for it… 5% profit. Bravo! Truly, a modern-day alchemy. Of course, the real winners here are those who began their DCA journey earlier, back when Bitcoin was but a shy adolescent flirting with prices under $10,000. For them, the spoils were far richer, though perhaps not as amusing to recount at dinner parties. 🎩✨

This isn’t the first rodeo-nope, first time since launch in 2023. The last time, September 2023, lasted 45 minutes-so really, progress. Now, it lasted 29 minutes, which is about enough time to brew a cup of coffee and forget about it. At 6:15 UTC, the network decided to take its little break, and by 6:43, the heroic team was on it. Because nothing says “good at your job” like a delay caused by an “unsafe head delay.” Sure, makes total sense.🤷‍♂️

But don’t let this short-term snooze fool you; the memecoin still has a structurally bullish outlook. Several chart patterns and experts are whispering sweet nothings about a potential rally that could see DOGE hit the magical $1 mark before the end of 2025. 🎩✨

The latest genius idea? Mandating messaging platforms like WhatsApp, Signal, and Telegram to inspect every message, photo, and video you send, starting in October. And here’s the kicker: they want to do this even if your messages are end-to-end encrypted, which you might think keeps things private – guess again! French tech blogger Korben suggested this plan is so invasive, it’s as if the Post Office decided to read your letters before sealing them, just to keep things “safe.” 🕵️‍♂️📬

After a Q1 that left it bleeding $295 million-a wound deep enough to make even the stoutest heart wince-Galaxy Digital has risen like a phoenix from the ashes of its own folly. On a Tuesday in August, no less, the firm, birthed by the ever-optimistic Mike Novogratz, trumpeted its quarterly earnings with all the fanfare of a circus arriving in town. 🎪🎉

Now, about those ETFs-oh boy. They’re throwing a tantrum, with the biggest one-day outflow in over a year. Over $465 million just vanished into thin air, as if someone finally realized, “Wait, can I really trust this stuff?” And then on Friday, just to keep things interesting, another $152 million took a hike. Total for August? An eye-waterin’, mind-bogglin’ $617 million. That’s not just a bad week; it’s like the Titanic hitting an iceberg, but instead of sinking, Ethereum just shrugs and goes, “Meh.”

В это время – новости с рынков! Неспокойные дела: слабая занятость, политические пертурбации, и наш любимый – бак был настойчиво намекает на перемены. Трейдеры, словно лавочники на базаре, решают ставить всё на смену курса – и ставят! В сентябре, говорят, ставки снизят. Ну, кто ей верует-то? Вчера было 94%, сегодня – 88%, да и то, как бы сказать – «может и не снизу».

CryptoQuant, the Sherlock Holmes of blockchain data, chimed in to say this figure is 3.5 times higher than the last time ETH was at similar price levels. 🕵️♂️🔍 Apparently, everyone’s suddenly hungry for leveraged exposure, though funding rates remain as neutral as a Swiss diplomat. 🤷♂️ No one’s gone full bull or bear yet, which means the stage is set for a dramatic buildup of positions-or, as I like to call it, a financial game of Jenga. 🪨🤏